I have an admission: the motivation for creating this website was selfish on my part. After a solid year of trauma counseling, and a heap of support from the family and friends with whom I finally shared my 'secret', I hit a wall. Not the first time I ran into this wall, mind you, because the hard work of healing can also sometimes feel like you are banging your head against those bricks!! And I built a lot of very sturdy walls in a decade of keeping my rape a secret. This time, however, my heart clearly told me there was a way over this obstacle. I wasn't able to make anymore progress because I started to see myself as a contributor to the cycle of shame that surrounds victims of assault; my silence was hampering my healing and hurting others. To heal, was to share. To share, however, was to be vulnerable. And vulnerability is scary! I would like to tell you that I acted quickly as soon as it was clear what actions were needed, but fear is a strong motivator for inaction. If I could have continued down that path without facing the fear of sharing, this site wouldn't exist! But here we are, you and I. The most I can ask from you, my dear reader, is to know that as I sit here typing in my warm and cozy home, I feel as raw and exposed as if I had no skin on my body at all! If you are a fellow survivor, I know you can feel that gaping sensitivity. If you are here in support of a family member or friend, imagine for a moment you have just had your whole body waxed, and now you get to go into an auditorium full of people (let's say your parents and every ex you have), and now all you have to do is stand in front of them, share your biggest secret, and cut onions...naked. Are we there yet? So this is my starting line. In coming posts you will learn that I used to be a runner, so this will not be the last sports metaphor you will read. Thanks for being here to join me, or cheer for me, or hug me along the way. Try not to let it bother you that as a consolation for my own vulnerability, I will probably need to imagine that most everyone reading this is also metaphorically naked in the aforementioned auditorium! Until next time, Melanie
2 Comments
LeAnn
3/8/2016 10:58:13 pm
Melanie, I just wanted to tell you I love you and I'm sorry for the pain you went through and the pain you're still struggling with. I know there is no easy way for you to get over this, if there was for sure you'd have taken it by now, you just have to take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute... But there is hope in every step you complete. I trust in your strong sense and determination that you're future self will thank you for not giving up.
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Melanie
3/11/2016 10:01:11 pm
LeAnn,
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November 2016
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